


double trouble

by station43



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Double Date, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 18:58:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10393944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/station43/pseuds/station43
Summary: Fiona frowned, "Ignoring the obvious sexism... It's a bit disgusting actually that she thinks my taste in men is actually that bad...""Do I actually not look 21?" Reid asked."The facial hair does make you look like a little kid..." Emily joked.Luke shook his head, "She was flirting with you babe." He scooted closer to him, and and put an arm around his shoulders."I'm aware of that..." Reid said.Or: a double date with Reid and Luke and Fiona and Emily.





	

"They haven't seen each other in a while... give them a break," Emily said. 

 

"And I haven't seen you before this in how many years Emily? By that logic we should be making out right now at the very least." 

 

Emily opened her mouth to give a response but she couldn't find the words, for the emotions that she was sure were obvious by the bright shade of red on her face at the moment. 

 

"Reid just texted me they're on their way here." Emily stared down at her phone. 

 

"He could be lying..." Fiona said simply. 

 

"No he still has one of those phones with only the number keys. You know where you have to press the button three times to get to some of the letters?" 

 

"That sounds terrible..." Fiona commented.

 

Emily nodded, "It's already hard enough to text on those, and he's not coordinated there's no way he could text during sex." 

 

"Not during good sex.." Fiona corrected. 

 

"You think that Luke is bad in bed?" Emily asked. "His hands are huge there's no way he's bad in bed." 

 

"Actually" Reid started, as the pair of men walked up to the table. The blush on Emily's face grew even brighter when she realized that Luke had heard her comment about his hands. "That the size of a man's hands doesn't directly correlate to the size of their genitals. That's just a myth

 

"Recently there was a study in South Korea in the Asian Journal of Anthropology which showed that there's a slight connection between having a low digit ratio - which is the difference in length between their ring and index fingers - and a large penis. Researchers think that the reason that there's a connection between these two aspects is - What are you doing?" He stopped to look at Fiona who was currently trying to reach for one of his hands.

 

"Trying to see if you have a low digit ratio... or whatever you just said." She said. 

 

"Men with a highly above average sized penis are more likely to not have as much vaginal sex...." Reid continued. 

 

"Hey!" The waitress appeared behind Luke, who was sitting across from Fiona. She interrupted Reid's mini-rant. "You guys made it! Can I get you anything to drink?" 

 

"Could I have a cup of coffee..." Reid said. "Thank you so much." 

 

"Uh.. Water is fine," Luke said. 

 

"Got it!" The waitress walked away. 

 

"Anyway," Luke said. "How are you?" he was mostly asking Fiona, who he hadn't had the chance to get to know yet.

 

"Tired," Fiona replied. "Prisons are overcrowded with people who could use my help..." She shrugged. 

 

"In the United States we have the second highest rate of incarcerations in the world..." Reid started. Even though in reality that was a sad fact, he sounded excited about it, as he always did when he started to go off on one of his rants. 

 

"With 716 per 100,000 people. But that's not counting prisoners juvenile detention centers, prisons and jails in the United States territories, ICE detention facilities, and Indian and or Native American country jails so the number is likely higher than that statistic suggests that we may even technically have the highest rate of incarcerations in the world. 

 

"The interesting thing though is that that figure puts the United States in second place, below Seyshelles, a group of Islands located in the Indian Ocean with a population of approximately 90,000, which is less than the population of Wyoming. From 2012 to 2014 they added 240 prisoners to their prisons which brought them up to approximately 868 prisoners per 100,000 because it has such a small population it's largely an out-liar. But, even if you subtract the prisoners that are Somali Prates --" 

 

"Did you just say pirates?" Emily asked. 

 

"They're not really your typical pirates... illegal fishing caused by people attempting to take advantage of the Somali Civil War to avoid penalties for fishing illegally and toxic waste dumping have made it hard for Creole fishermen to make a living in the area so they've taken to commandeering ships and hijacking them for ransom as an alternate source of income -- "

 

"That's not as interesting as I thought it would be..." Fiona said. 

 

"It's actually very interesting... " Luke stared at her from across the table, hoping that she would look back at him and realize that her interruption was rude and, he thought, unwarranted. But she didn't, and so he just rolled his eyes at no one as the waitress set their cups down on the table. 

 

She took their orders, and then started to walk away but turned back around. "You guys are a very cute couple," she said to Fiona. 

 

"We are?" Fiona asked. 

 

The waitress nodded. "I'll put that in for you guys..." and she started walking away. 

 

"We aren't a couple," Emily said. 

 

"Well I'm glad to know you think highly of me," Fiona rolled her eyes. She picked up the wine glass from in front of her and brought it to her lips. 

 

Luke chuckled. 

 

"I don't think she was talking about you guys," Reid said. 

 

"Well she's definitely not talking about you guys..." Fiona said. "I don't see how anyone could think either of you is cute... you're like an overactive puppy who almost lost my case for me," she gestured towards Luke with the wine glass. "Well Spencer is pretty cute..." 

 

Reid frowned at the table, now he was starting to blush. 

 

"What did you expect me to do let him get killed by those guys?" Luke grew defensive. 

 

"Let me do my job!" Fiona said. 

 

Emily downed the rest of her wine glass without saying a word. 

 

"You weren't doing it fast enough," Luke said. 

 

"Oh I'm sorry. Next time I'll just stop doing my civic duty and helping people who aren't a lost cause. Maybe if you'd actually been trying to find some evidence that would prove him innocent instead of threating people we would have been able to get him out faster..." Fiona said. 

 

"Guys.." Emily interrupted. "There's enough Reid to go around there's no need to fight..." Emily attempted to break up the argument with humor, but it apparently fell flat. 

 

"Who do you think would win in a fight?" Reid joked to Emily, who was the only one paying attention to him at the moment. 

 

Emily chuckled. She put a hand on Fiona's thigh, right below the hem of her black dress, to grab her attention back. 

 

"Fiona would kick his ass..." she said. 

 

"Your damn right I would..." Fiona stared straight at Luke, who just rolled his eyes in response. 

 

"Remember that time in college when I had to bail you out because you got into a bar fight?" Emily asked. "You know I bet Miranda Williams is still pissed at me for making her drive me all the way to the police station at three in the morning." 

 

"Yeah. I can't believe you convinced your roommate who you only knew for three days to take you to the police station at three in the morning," Fiona laughed. 

 

"Well we weren't roommates for long after that..." Emily chuckled. 

 

While the rest of the story seemed interested they were interrupted by the waitress reappearing again, "More wine for the lady?" she asked, but her eyes focused on Luke. 

 

Luke narrowed his eyes. He shrugged. 

 

"No," Fiona said. "I'm ok..." 

 

"I'll have some more," Emily said. 

 

"I'll have some too..." Reid said. 

 

"Whoa..." Emily said. "What happened to the  good boy Spencer Reid?" 

 

"I'm a hardened criminal now..." He joked. 

 

Although none of the other people at the table laughed. When the waitress finished filling their glasses and started walking away.  

 

"Can I see your ID cutie?" the waitress asked. 

 

The other three people at the table laughed, and watched in awe as Reid pulled his wallet out of his pocket to present her with his ID before she poured him a glass of wine. 

 

"That waitress totally thinks you're dating..." Emily told Luke and Fiona. 

 

Fiona frowned, "Ignoring the obvious sexism... It's a bit disgusting actually that she thinks my taste in men is actually that bad..."  

 

"Do I actually not look 21?" Reid asked. 

 

"The facial hair does make you look like a little kid..." Emily joked. 

 

Luke shook his head, "She was flirting with you babe." He scooted closer to him, and and put an arm around his shoulders. 

 

"I'm aware of that..." Reid said. He rested his head on Luke's shoulder, for a beat, before he noticed the waitress walking towards them again, and then he leaned in to kiss Luke, and Luke made it quite clear that she was wrong not only about the fact that he was dating Fiona, because he wouldn't have gone near her with a ten foot pole even if he was into women, and the fact that she thought she was getting anywhere with Reid. 

 

"Can I get you guys anything else?" She asked. Eyes wide, focused on Reid. 

 

Reid shook his head. "I think we're ok.." he said. 

 

"Alright well let me know if you change your mind..."

 

Reid nodded. "Ok thank you..." he said. 

 

"We should get out of here..." Emily said. 

 

Fiona nodded.  

 

"How do you guys feel like getting a pizza at my place?" 

 

"Anything is better than this..." she said. 

 

Emily nodded, she threw some cash down on the table for the drinks, and Luke did the same. When they were done, Reid added a five dollar bill to the stack. 

 

"What's that for?" Emily asked. 

 

"Even homophones deserve a living wage." 

 

"Just so you know this is the worst double date I've been on in my life," Fiona said, as they walked towards Luke's car. 

 

"Pizza makes everything better..." Emily said. 

 

No one could dispute that. 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is kind of based on anons from [Reidalvez's (I was too lazy to find the exact anon I based this off of I'm so sorry)](https://reidalvez.tumblr.com/) tumblr because I stalk their tumblr sometimes. lol. anyway let me know if you like it. I didn't really mean to make Fiona in to so much of a bitch but I think that she was mostly just a bitch to Luke. I don't know I'm not sure if I like it that much. Anyway I have an idea for a part 2 of this double date if anyone wants me to write that lmk.


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